John Lydon, the former Sex Pistols frontman turned ardent Trump supporter, has fleas.
The one-time punk legend says he recently befriended a group of squirrels who were hanging around his house in Venice Beach, California. Ever since then, he’s been liberally applying vaseline to his body to ease the itchiness.
“I looked down there this morning at my willy and there’s a fucking flea bite on it. And there’s another one on the inside of my leg,” Lydon told the New Zealand Herald.
“The bites, wow, last night was murder because of it. The itching too. It’s such a poxy thing to get caught out on. The only way around it, because I’m not going to blame the poor little squirrels, is to vaseline my legs. I just hope they don’t get the wrong idea.”
While Lydon isn’t about ready to abandon his furry friends, he will require some social distancing going forward. “I’m determined to keep my squirrel friends independent, y’know. There’s no petting. If they want to nudge up that’s fine, but I know it’s for a peanut and not because I’m lovely.”
“Wow, do they love me for [the food I buy for them],” he added. “I’m definitely spending a lot of money on these little fuckers.”
Heads Up: From now through November 30th, receive a free gift for every purchase you make at the Consequence Store.